Friday, July 09, 2010

Like a ton of bricks!

So today while waiting for my nurse to come, yes I am that cool, I got a phone call from the baby's doctor.  It's time for his 9 month old check up.  Seriously???  What has happened to my tiny baby?  9 months already?  Sounds like a bad joke to me.
So we start to make an appointment and she says, looks like he will be 9 months on the 26th - do you want to come in that day?
Sure, why not...then I remember, we have something that day.  I said it like it was no big deal, my oldest starts Kindergarten that day so we would have to do it in the afternoon.
Then it hit me...Aiden is starting Kindergarten.
When did all of this happen?  First you rudely remind me that my baby is not so much a baby anymore then you have the audacity to make me face the fact that Aiden is a little person that will be sitting in a classroom.  Reading books without me.  Learning things that I did not teach him.
Break my heart on a Friday morning.  That's a really sucky way to start a weekend.
Then I start thinking more about that little person sitting at a desk.  What will those around him think of him?  What will the teachers think of US?  All the good will be there...but all our mistakes will be sitting in a classroom ready for someones judgment.  Do I not get enough of that from family members, from myself...that we need to add teachers to the mix now?
I know I am sounding paranoid, but it's just that I have come to the point where I have to hope and pray that all that I have done, all that I have tried to teach him about the world and people, right and wrong, respect for others, how to be a friend...I have to hope that I did all of this the right way.  That I haven't messed him up, led him astray or broken him.
My mind wanders and I wonder are the other kids going to like him.  Will his teachers appreciate his little personality in the same way that we, his parents and our friends, do?  What will I do if he comes home and he's sad because someone was mean to him, or made fun of him?  At some point this is inevitable, right?  He'll be out in the world with other people.  People I didn't raise.  He'll be out of the safety of this home and all the love in it.
I am coming to the realization that time happens whether we like it or not.  I am here to say I do not like it and I am not ready for this.  Not at all.
On the plus side...I do have a back-up kid, so maybe I can fix my wrongs with him as they are pointed out to me by the other!  (Kidding...kinda)

Hug your babies tonight, even if they aren't babies, because before you know it they will be all grown up.

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