Friday, August 27, 2010

Letter to Them

I wish I liked you, really I do.

I wish I could disregard the things you said, the things you did...but I cannot.

Your words and deeds were ugly.  Unforgivable.  Despicable.

You would like me to see a sincerity and kindness in you...I can only see the opposite.

How is it possible for someone who made a choice to be a parent to throw that choice back in the child's face?  I have a father who is not my father.  I have a man who is not my father but is my father.  They both made choices.  One out of fear and selfishness and the other out of love and honor.  Neither has ever thrown those choices in my face - nor have I to them.  The one who is not my father but is my father would never dream of telling me anything like what your husband told my husband...not ever.  He does not tell all those he meets about his Christian mentality or duties.  He does not tell me how to parent my children.  He does not tell me that I or my husband are tragic fools.  He does not suggest that we seek counseling or God.  He does not threaten to have either of us investigated.  And he never would.  He is a man, a decent and loving man - who looks for ways to support and encourage not put down and destroy.

I am sad that I can't like you.  Its not longer a choice that I have - you, your words and more importantly your actions have made that choice for me and you.  You have finally destroyed any chance of that.

I am not sad.

I am not sick.

I cry no tears for you - but certainly have shed tears for my husband and what you have done to him.

Disappointment abounds.

So much for your "unbreakable family bond".

I come from a long line of crazy - but those who are afflicted own their sickness and their actions, past and present.  I feel for those in the world that are sick and have no idea.

I feel for you.

I protect myself from potential reoccurances of crazy and vow to protect my children as well.  Your brand of crazy will never touch my children.

Not ever.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I am back...kinda

I know - I have super sucked at the blogging bit lately.  Not that you asked, but, what with my little Aido starting Kindergarten a month ago, starting to ease Cole into the care of another, the crazy drama of people who would like me to call them family and me desperately searching for a job I have been a wee bit overwhelmed with underwhelming results.

Aiden is doing fabulously in school.  He loves it and I haven't heard a complaint from him yet.  I thought that the novelty would have worn off awhile ago and that by now I would have heard at least one muttering of, "but, I don't want to go to school!"  Not one, can you stand it??  Color me impressed.  The highlight of everyday on our walk back home from school is what he had for lunch.  It is apparently a huge deal that he gets at least three things to choose from each day.  We high five on the days that he picks something healthy and delicious from the salad bar.

Cole is a big hit with his part time caretaker.  He will start to go on a more consistent basis once I get one of those job things, but for now he is going twice a week in order to get him adjusted to someone new and so that our spot is saved.  The caretaker adores him and he seems to be all in one piece once I retrieve him, so that has to be something.

As for the drama with the "people", it went from stagnant to horrific and where there used to be a small place in my mind and heart where I thought forgiveness may one day be a possibility, they succeeded in completely ruining that in one short email.  Words are weapons people - be very sure of yourself before setting out to go to war.

The job business - well that has been interesting.  I have had 2 interviews so far - one that I thought went amazing and ended up going nowhere - another today that I have no clue how it went but should know very soon.  As much as I have enjoyed all the time I have had with my babies, I think it is time - on so many levels - to get back amongst the grown folk.

Until next time...think happy and lucrative thoughts!